marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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