Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
