Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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