So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
