Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
