I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
