i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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