Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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