would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
