You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
