Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize