So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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