I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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