Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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