apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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