In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
