I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
