I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
