I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
