Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
