4 words: hood of his car
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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