his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
