Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
