She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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