your parents love me but you hate me
Buhtt sex?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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