I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
