is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
