yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
