Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
