Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
