He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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