last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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