WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
