At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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