I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
