My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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