I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
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