We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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