That's intense
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
