goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
