We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
