based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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