dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
