I just threw up on my dentist
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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