I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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