Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
