My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
