Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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