..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
