Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
