She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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