It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
