I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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