So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
