youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
