if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
