I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
