wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
