They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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