I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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