Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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