I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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