Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
