He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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