good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize