as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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