how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
