im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
