There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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